Where did you get a picture of my penis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You pole danced in your parka.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
