i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
