woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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