Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
