Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
