Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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