dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
