I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize