I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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