i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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