o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
