A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
