when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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