# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
