i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
