Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
