Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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