hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
