so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize