mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
