A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
