This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
