Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
