Your dad touched me again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
