mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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