i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
