your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
