were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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