Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
