The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
