Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
