please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
