im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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