Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
