i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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