I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's the barista slut.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
