you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
