So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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