you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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