i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
