I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
