I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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