saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
how drunk are you?
Several
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
