508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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