I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize