bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
