So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
