Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
