Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
