I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
