I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
