I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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