Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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