K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize