I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
