GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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