Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
