So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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