Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize