He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Randomize
