My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
