I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
