Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
