What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
