I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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