Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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