Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize