tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
