they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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