I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
