I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
