I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
